Don't regret me
by chasinggpavements
Summary: Meredith has a secret. What happens when somebody shows up and everything comes out? Will Derek leave her? How is she related to Mark? Post 1x08 MerDer and MerMark.
1. She had to tell him tonight

**Stars in your eyes **

**Did**** you take the time to realize**

**Can you count the stars in your eyes? **

**Did you take the time to realize?**

She had to tell him tonight. Yeah tonight was the night she told him, because she can't Lose him. No. Even the thought of loosing Derek was too much.

Tonight they wanted to make rules. Rules were good.

They were both heading out of the Hospital. Just. When Derek helped her into her jacket, so Loving. She couldn't stand it anymore. She just sat down and had an empty stare. Soon she heard Derek call her name, when she didn't respond he sat down beside her. He tried to make her talk. But every word of his was a stab in her heart. She knew what she was doing to him tonight. And she hated herself to put him into this position. Suddenly Meredith grasped Derek by his jacket and buried her face into it. Again Derek tried soothe her, but it only made her crying worse.

Finally she looked up.

_It broke him to see his Meredith with her puffy red eyes and now knowing what the reason was._

That was when Meredith heard an all too familiar voice calling out her name. She closed her eyes once again and took a deep breath. She looked into Derek's eyes and could see confusion and…_love_

She quickly kissed him on his lips. At first light then more and more passionately. They were interrupted by a chuckle. Once again she shut her eyes.

**There's just one thing that I need to say **

**Before I close my eyes and walk away **

**There's just one thing that I need to feel **

**Before I walk away against my will**

"I'll always love you, Derek. And I'm _so_ sorry. For everything. J..Just don't regret me", she said dramatically.

**Don't forget me **

**Don't**** regret me **

**Don't suspect me **

**Don't neglect me**

_What was happening? She was acting all strange these past days. And after this sentence, which should've been the best moment in his Life__, well __the I__ love you part at least__, he knew that something bad was coming up. __Something very bad._

Suddenly she opened her eyes, "What the hell are you doing here, Mark? Seattle's supposed to be mine!"

"Oh, you own a city now or what, hun? ", the stranger, named Mark answered.

"You know exactly what I mean! ", Meredith growled.

"Maybe, so who's this guy? The one you're recently screwing?!" , Mark said.

"Oh don't you dare Mark!"

_Meanwhile Derek was still sitting on the lobby chair as if he just froze, first he was surprised that __Mer__ was fighting with that guy but he figured that she had to have a relationship with that guy, named Mark. And hell he didn't like this. _

"Who's that, Mer?! ", said Derek silently, he quickly talked louder when Meredith didn't hear him.

In that moment Meredith fell back into the seat, "Mark, this is Derek. And Derek this is Mark. M..Mark is my soon –to-be ex husband. " , she said with a single tear falling down her cheek.

_Without one word, Derek stood up and walked away, like a robot. No, he didn't allow himself to look back to the woman he thought he loved. Hell, he still loved her, but the pain was just too much. _

_He heard a tiny voice from behind not to go. Yeah she pleaded him not to go, he never heard her beg, well never in a non sexual way. Just. __The pain.__ Too __much.__When__ he got to his car he finally looked back and saw two figures standing in the lobby, one of them curled up __in a chair, the head deep in the__ hands. He wanted to go back so badly, go back and take her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. But…the pain was just too deep. And then there was the other figure sitting beside her. __It felt like a stab into his heart. _

_On the way__ home__ to his trailer, all he could think about was that they wanted to make rules today. Be officially a couple. _

**The memory of this still reminds me of you **

**The**** memory of this still reminds**

**The memory of this still reminds me of you **

**And that is where you'll find me**


	2. The pain

**DISCLAIMER:** i forgot it the first chapter so. yeah i don't own anything.

**R R pLease**

* * *

"What do you want, Mark? ", Meredith sighed. 

She just lost the man she loved most. He walked away from her, without even looking back. She was sure the thing they had going on was over. Seems like Mark got his way again. But what did he actually want?

"Why are you crying, baby? ", slowly he sat down.

"Seriously? You have the nerve to ask me that?! Seriously?! You just show up here and ruin my life in five minutes and you ask why I'm crying?"

"Heyhey. No need o be upset I just wanted to help!"

"Oh yeah, you helped me a lot when you slept with that slut and too bad I caught you in bed with her! Were you even going to tell me? " , she took a deep breath and when Mark attempted to say something, she cut him off, "But you also helped me a lot more when you just show up here and chase away Derek who I happened to love. So what the fuck do you want?!"

"Mhm. Shepherd, right? Just getting the best ones huh? Is he good in bed at least?! ", knowing that he pushed too far, when she didn't answer, he continued "I want you back. I still love you"

With that Meredith was walking out of the hospital leaving Mark behind. She was heading for Joe's, greeting her friend Jose once again.

"The usual. ", she told Joe.

"You sure? You look pretty bad! ", said Joe nonchalantly.

"Thanks. And could I have my shot now?! ", she snapped, which she immediately regretted. "Sorry..I ..just lost a patient today!"

She didn't want Joe to know. Well, he'd know eventually. But. She was just not ready to tell people about her complicated love life.

"Oh, you're a bad liar, Mer" Joe immediately saw through her lie "Trouble with Derek? Should I call him?"

"No! Yes! I just..Please just don't call him! "

"As you wish"

Why just. Why did he have to show up today? Why not a day later? A day later and she and Derek wouldn't be on the rocks. They would be ok. Not perfectly good. But still better than now. She loved Derek, she really really did. Of course she was the one that hurt him so much, but it wasn't easy for her either. She didn't want to get into a relationship so quick after Mark. But all that seemed so much more, as if she and Derek were soulmates. They were just meant to be.

After ten tequila shots and Meredith being completely drunk, Joe decided to call Derek, despite Meredith's wish.

"Hey Shep! I think you should come and get Mer home. She's quite drunk "

"Uhm…I..i..don't.."

"Oh, you two didn't break up did you? 'cause she was all mopey and asked me not to call you but I thought she shouldn't ride a cab.."

"I…I get her."

With that Derek hanged up. Why did he even have to pick up his phone? Maybe he wanted it to be his Meredith telling him it was just a stupid joke. Wait, it was real, it explained everything what was happening lately. Oh and she wasn't his Meredith anymore, actually never was, she was this Mark's Meredith all the time. He was so naïve to think that he found _the_ love. He had to wash his face. He couldn't remember when he cried the last time, but this time it hit him hard. It was just.i.too much. He planned to tell her he loved her tonight. It would have been perfect. So perfect. And now he had to get Meredith who happened to be married. Great.

The next morning Meredith woke up with a throbbing headache. With her eyes still closed she looked for Derek with her hands and tried to remember what happened last night. Then it all came crushing down. _Mark. Derek. __Tequila._

Where was she? Quickly she opened her eyes only to reveal that she was in Derek's trailer. What was she doing here? Was everything just a dream? No, it was too real. She looked around and saw Derek on the couch. Looking straight into her eyes. Too much pain. He didn't look at her the same. He didn't give her the McDreamy eyes anymore. He probably hated her. And he looked bad, dark rings under his eyes and he still had the clothes from yesterday on. She waited for him to talk.

"It..It's over, Meredith."

**All I know is I'm lost without you.**

**I'm not gonna lie**

**How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side?**

**If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye**

**don't know what I'd do**

**I'm lost without you

* * *

**

A/N: The lyrics from the last chapter are from Don't regret me by Way out west. and uhm this time the Lyrics are from Lost without you by Delta goodrem


	3. Out of the dark

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_It's over. It's over. It's over._

Her vision blurred. And all she could hear was _it's__ over._ She deserved it. She knew this was coming up. But why did it just hurt so much? She should have told him and they would be still together now. Going through a hard time but still. They would be together. Now it was too late.

She was up. What should he do? He needed to break this thing up. She lied. He was just another screw for her. How stupid was he thinking they were in Love. But. But she told him that she loved him. _No_. She wasn't getting the right to mess with his head. He just needed to end this now. Before he was to deep in it.

She told herself to keep it together. And before she knew it she heard his voice again. She really should get out of his trailer.

"You know…I just..I..I want to know why this even existed when you're married. ", she could hear the sadness in his voice and it hurt her even more. _Stab. Stab._ She owed him an answer after all.

"He…He cheated on me several times. 3 months ago I caught him in the act and then I just came back to Seattle. And met you. I didn't want to get into a relationship that quick. Hell. I never really had a really good one…But you..you were different. You cared. You were there. And every day I felt a bit more love for you. So when I knew I needed to tell you I was afraid of hurting you…", after that Meredith wondered how she could choke that out.

"I…I probably better go no. Shift starts soon." , she continued when Derek remained silent.

So. Now he wasn't even a good screw he was someone she just screwed over being screwed. But, she told him everything now. Maybe they could start over new? But he would always be the other man. No. He couldn't do that.

"I'll give you a ride. " , somehow Derek had a raspy voice.

The ride was rather awkward and Meredith did the best to hold herself together. Sometimes she choked some sobs back, hoping that Derek didn't hear it. It hurt her that he didn't say anything at all. It hurt her more that he had nothing to say. Maybe she was just another fling to him and grateful that he got out this way. Nothing but a good screw.

He heard her choking back the sobs. He never hurt so much just by hearing somebody doing that. It was like they had some kind of connection. So when she hurt, he hurt. When she was happy, he also was happy. Well, he at least felt like that. But he didn't want her so easily back, maybe she'll just jump back into this guys arms now that he's here to get her back. Maybe he was the one to make her husband jealous. _No_. he wouldn't give in so easily.

The gossip travelled fast it seems because when she was walking through the halls in the hospitals to the locker room everyone whispered and looked at her. As if she just didn't notice.

"So, McDreamy knows about McCheater? ", first she jerked away when she heard Cristina's voice.

"Yeah. He knows. And stop calling him McDreamy. ", she decided to just give in and tell her everything that happened so she told her the story.

"Whew. Mer you got yourself into something. ", was all Cristina could say.

"Wow. Thanks that you told me that. I would have never managed to figure that out. "

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you"

Before Meredith could answer to that Bailey cut her off "Assignments. Stevens-Shepherd. Yang-Burke. Karev-Pit. Grey-Sloan. And O'malley you follow me."

"uhm. Dr. Bailey? Can't I switch with anyone? ", Meredith knew won't be able to switch, but it still was worth a try.

"You guys know exactly that there's no switching. Now go!"

Quickly they all went different directions.

"Oh I'm really pitying you." she heard Cristina, almost sentimental, whispering to her before their way parted

Apparently she headed the same way as Alex.

"Boy I'd give everything to be on Sloan's service. I can't see why you'd want to switch. Or you wanna be with Shepherd to get some On-call room sex or what?"

"Argh. I would just give everything to _not_ be on his service. He's such an asshole. A cheating Bastard!" by the end of it she nearly screamed and almost everyone was staring at her.

"So. You're talking about me huh hun?" suddenly Mark appeared.

"Oh. Dr. Sloan. I'm on your service today." , she responded with an uptight smile.

"Yeah I know. I requested you."

Now Meredith was furious. What the hell was he thinking when he requested her? Oh that she would fall for his charm again and just get back with him? _Ass._

"What the fuck were you thinking?! That you'd just come back and play the good guy and I'll be back in your arms in nothing?" everyone was staring at her and Mark trying to figure out how they were related to each other.

She finally stopped staring at Mark and looked up. Seeing Derek just a few feet away looking defeated at his feet.

"Grey. Sloan. My office. Now!" the chief called.

**A/N So honestly I have no idea where this is going and if this is gonna be merder or mermark. Altough i'm a hardcore merder supporter i Like the idea of mermark so. yes. i don't know where this is going with the pairings..**


	4. Caught

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„So somebody cares to explain to me what happened out there?" the chief was irate.

"Oh well. Dr. Sloan here just came up and began to scream at me when I asked her a normal question. ",it seemed Mark did everything to infuriate Meredith and he didn't even seem to notice that.

"Shut up! And it always was Dr. Grey. Thank god I've never changed my name. So yeah it's Dr. Grey to you. ", Meredith said as soon as she heard Mark calling her Dr. Sloan

"Wait. Wait. Sloan?! You..You two are married? ", the chief was shocked to hear that. He never knew Meredith Grey was married. Or even married to a world renowned plastic surgeon.

"Soon to be divorced.", Mer quickly answered.

"You know we could talk about this again. I did one mistake and you want a divorce? Don't you think it's a bit harsh?" Mark said.

" One time?! Are you kidding me? Cause I know for sure that there were more…"

"Stop! This is a hospital. Lives are saved in here. You people shouldn't be discussing your marriage in here. You should be out of this office and save some Lives. So keep your complicated relationship out of the hospital and start to fight when you step out of Seattle Grace."

"Thanks Mark. Just. Can't you go back to New York and Leave me alone? What do you even want?" Meredith sighed when they both were walking out of the chief's office.

"I told you what I want. I just want you back. We could go back to New York together and start over new. Please Mer.", but she barely heard it as she was walking away.

-

He hurt. She knew by the way he was looking that he was hurting. And that hurt her. She never wanted it to come out like that. And now everything was just a big mess. She wanted _her_ Derek back.

She was walking around the halls when she felt a hand grab her arm. "What do you want Mark?" she said while rolling her eyes. Before she knew what was happening she was being dragged to the nearest on call room.

It was dark and she couldn't see who dragged her into that room. Suddenly she was kissed hard and passionately. Just in that moment she knew that the mysterious person was _her_ Derek. Both felt the desire burning in their guts and were moving to the bed while taking each other's clothes off.

Derek was kissing his way from her collarbone over her breasts to her hipbones and then his head was between her legs.

It was unexpected. It was unexpected and it felt so good at. She felt so special in his arms. Nothing Mark gave her in the end of their relationship. Yeah, In the beginning he was so caring. So different from what he became. And now there was Derek. Maybe they could work out. But would it end up like her and Mark's relationship?

This was wrong. He shouldn't feel guilt feeling that. But she was married. To Mark Sloan. Even he heard about that manwhore. He wanted to do those things with her. But she was married. She even accepted the break up without a word. But she did say several times that she loved him. He needed to stop what he was doing right now. But her moans were driving him insane. _But.But.But._No. He needed it to stop. Even if it was him who wanted this in the first place.

"Mer"

"yeah please don't stop…", she groaned, nearing her peak.

"No. Meredith. I…I'm so sorry. But I just can't do this knowing you're married…I..I'm so sorry..", he avoider her eyes and quickly stood up and began to get dressed.

Meredith was still in her sex fog and after several moments she seemed to get what was happening. "Wow. Never thought I would see _that _day. What were you trying to prove? That you still can make me moan and scream your name?!", her desire suddenly changed to pure anger.

"I also never thought I would see the day where you were married to another man." , with that he was storming out.

She was struggling with herself. He was right there weren't any signs that she was married. But why did he drag her to this on call room and then just leave her like a piece of meat? Maybe it was his way of payback. And it truly hurt. Knowing that he didn't want to be with her anymore. That he couldn't even stand to look into her eyes. She realized that she was standing naked in an on call room, so she quickly gathered her clothes and dressed. She was in her scrubs and her bra when she heard the door opening.

"Just go." she said expecting Derek. She never thought it would be Mark who was now standing in the room. She was in such a shock that she didn't react when Mark moved closer or sat beside her.

He slowly brought his arm up to see if she backed away. When she didn't, he slowly grazed her arm with his fingers. She knew that this was his way of apologizing. In all those years they had something like a silent communication. She closed her eyes when his fingers continued their journey. He was still able to sent chills down her back. Even after all the betrayal. Could it be that she was in Love with two men? God. Could her life get any more complicated? She felt Mark's hot breath on her ear and then he started to peck the line of her jaw. And with that all her thoughts disappeared. A little later his mouth nearing hers. The peck quickly turned into a passionate kiss.

She just cupped his face in her hands when the door opened again. Like deer s in the headlight they looked up to see who interrupted them.

Only to reveal a shocked Derek.

**We got to a point I can't stand**

**I've had it to the limit;**

**I can't be your man**

**I ****ain't**** more than a minute away from walking**


	5. Over and a new start

**A/N so this is a really short chapter but it's kind of an important filler. Read and Review please.**

"God hates me, Cris!", Mer told her friend who was lying on her couch with a bottle of Tequila, "and give me the bottle! I need it more than you!"

"So basically you made out with McDreamy then with McSteamy and when McDreamy showed up again you just ran away?!"

"Well it didn't get that far with both. And McSteamy? Seriously?!"

"Yeah well, he is hot. Is he good in bed?"

"God I need more Tequila"

After her encounter earlier the day she avoided Mark and Derek. That wasn't so easy seeing that she was Mark's intern, but surprisingly he stayed very professional. Right after her shift ended she grabbed Cristina and went home where the Tequila was waiting for her. And now someone knocked on her door.

"Mark?!" a shocked Meredith said as she saw him.

"Oh I think that's my turn to go" Cristina quickly murmured and disappeared upstairs not before Meredith shot her an angry glare.

"Hey uhm…I wanted to talk to you..you know..about what happened today…"Mark said while looking at his feet.

He knew he had to change. And for her he would. He could do this for her this time. He found the reason to change who he was. And sadly he recognized it after he messed up. But this time he really would get things straight. He would be a new man. Not Mark Sloan the manwhore.

"I..Yeah. We really should talk.." She wanted to end it. A clean cut. So that she and Derek could do whatever they wanted. But did Derek want her? But yeah she had to end this thing with Mark.

"I really want to try again…I know that I screwed up in a really, really big way. But I'm ready to change. I know I said that before. But you just have to believe me because I love you and those months apart were hell without you." He prepared a whole speech but when he stood in front of Meredith he just poured his heart out.

"Mark…I just..I don't..I.." she sighed and was grateful when the doorbell rang again.

She quickly stood up and left Mark dumbfounded on the couch to open the door. She was shocked and froze when she saw Derek standing in front of her. But then she recalled that Mark was sitting on her couch and she quickly went outside and closed the door behind her.

"Hey…" he started.

"Hey uhm..Listen..I should have told you and shouldn't..and I don't want to lose you…and now I'm rambling again" now she was the one looking down at her feet.

He took her hand and led her to the porch.

"See. I really really love you. I love you so much that I don't know what to do. But I can't do this. Even if you leave him I think I'll feel like second choice. So I came here tonight to end this properly…" she sweared she could see a lonely tear falling down his cheek.

Now she was alone. How could he tell her that he loved her and then just leave her? Was Love not enough? Before she knew he quickly kissed her on the lips and turned away, leaving her. That was when she crushed on her porch. She curled up in fetal position and just cried.

Mark must have sensed that something was wrong and checked on her. When he saw her crying on the porch he quickly rushed to her side and just hugged her.

"I think..we should..try again." She quietly whispered after a few moments.

_You tell me that you love me _

_But you never __wanna__ see me again_


	6. So complicated

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He didn't feel heartbroken. Nor did he feel like he was lost in this big world without her. He just felt like he was an incomplete puzzle. Like a piece of his heart was missing. And somehow he thought that was even worse than to be feeling heartbroken. Cause he knew exactly what his heart wanted and needed. But his brain was telling him to end it.

Derek just broke up with Meredith. He just walked away quickly after it. Not wanting to face her. But he still saw the heartbreaking image of her lying in fetus position on the porch in the rearview mirror.

He just stared at the ceiling, already missing the way he felt when he wrapped his hands around her.

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

* * *

He just woke up from the best sleep he ever got. Because this night was the first ever he slept with his wife in his arms. He never was so grateful to hear her loud snoring. He loved to smell the lavender scent of her hair. Or how she buried her nose into his chest. He even liked how she cuddled up to him, not that he would ever admit it. The only thing that really bothered him that he knew that she cuddled up liked that just some night before with some other men. And he felt a bit like second choice, because before he thought she would end it for good. And then that guy showed up and she was upset and then she wanted to try again. He had nothing against that. It just didn't feeL good to be second choice. But he screwed up in first place and he would do everything right this time. He just had to even if it was difficult. She meant more to him than she probably ever know.

_A strangled smile fell from your face  
It kills me that I hurt you this way  
The worst part is that I didn't even know  
Now there's a million reasons for you to go  
But if you can find a reason to stay_

But right now he had to face her friends. He was lying in her bed beside her. She was still sleeping and there was a little time left so he didn't want to wake her up. He slowly moved her clutched arm from his chest to her side. And he silently put one foot after another on the ground. He just wore his shorts and went out of Meredith's room to look for a bathroom. He stumbled down the hall when suddenly a door opened.

„_Oh!_", he heard a sleepy voice say. He turned around and saw that perky blonde intern from the hospital, he actually flirted with the first day he was at Seattle Grace. Oh. And she was just in a shirt and her panties. _Wow_. Those Legs..No. He wasn't allowed to think that. He was with Meredith. And he loved her. She was obviously surprised to see him there but she was also checking him out. Wandering up and down his body with her eyes.

„So uhum Dr. Sloan.." she started.

„Yeah..Good morning uhm."there was a akward pause between them

„..Izzie Stevens.." Focus on her eyes, everything's okay if you just continue to look into her brown eyes. He preferred grey-green eyes like Merediths but he also... _Meredith! _„So..I was looking for the bathroom"

„Yeah.It's down the hall second door left.." she quickly disappeared back into her room.

He looked at the place where she stood before and then also went to the bathroom. He was showering when he heard a voice:"Izzie! Iz! Are you done soon cuz i need to shower too, you know?!" He smiled when he recognized his wife's voice. He quickly stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel which he just put around his waist.

Soon he stepped out of the bathroom. And saw a yawning Meredith with ruffled hair. And every thought of that Izzie girl he had in the shower disappeared. In that moment he just knew for sure that she was _the one._

_I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around  
I know what's at stake  
I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance  
Believe that I can change  
I'll keep us together whatever it takes_

* * *

„Mark!" she exclaimed. She was terrified to see him and was actually grateful to wake up to a empty bedside. She still had some feelings for him, but there was Derek, who didn't want her, but just because of that her feelings towards him didn't change. God how she wished it would.

And now there was Mark in front of her. Just with a towel around his wait and steam coming from behind him.

„Good Morning!" he said with a cheerful voice, but she also didn't miss seductive undertone.

„Morning! I really can't believe that you take so long in the shower!"

„Oh you know. It takes time to maintain this body" he smiled cockily. She just smiled enjoying the little flirting they did.

„So..What are you doing this evening?" he asked looking straight into her eyes.

„On call" she groaned

„And when's your day off?"

„Uhm. Tomorrow. Why?" she asked altough she knew what would come next.

„Because I wanted to ask you for a date..you in?" he asked a bit nervously.

„uh sure." she smiled and took her eyes from his and stared intensely at his lips and took a step forward

„Hey guys what are you doing?" Izzie said and just sighed when she realized she interrupted.

* * *

They went together to work. And they could feel the stares of everyone at them and they just walked in and made their way to the elevator. Meredith tried to ignore them and laced her hand with Mark's as they waited for the elevator. They ignored the people obviously staring at them and just made their way through. They got off the lift and walked pass gossiping nurses and finally stopped at the interns locker room. Mark gave her a soft peck on the lips and quickly went his own way.

Before she went in to change she saw a angry Derek leaning against the wall just five metres away from her. She looked into his eyes and felt like she just melted away, but quickly turned aways. Little did she know that Mark saw that „eye" exchange.

_Shouldn't be so complicated  
Just hold me and then  
Just hold me again_

**A/N: hey uhm i'm really sorry for the late update but i had some important exams. so i'll try to update this weekend again but i'll be gone for about five days the coming week; we're going skiing so no computer for me (**


	7. Addie!

**A/N**: I'm so so so sorry for the not updating! I just had a major writers bLock or simpLy too Lazy to update...But I finaLLy finished this chapter. Reviews reaLLy make me update faster : D 

Bailey's interns stood in the locker room waiting for their resident to give out the assignments. They all stood around Meredith trying to get some details about her love triangle out of her.

„Assignments people! Stevens you're with Sloan. Karev with Shepherd. Grey you're with Dr. Montgomery. Yang you're on scut. And O'Malley the pit.", Bailey yelled.

„Uhm Dr. Bailey? Who is Dr. Montgomery?", Meredith asked quietly as the others already made their way out of the room.

„Dr. Addison Montegomery. The new OBGYN attending. Now go!"

Suddenly Meredith was in trance. Addison? Could it be? Was she really here? So many unanswered questions...Well she would see in a few minutes. With that she made her way out of the locker room to look for the new attending.

She passed the nurses ignoring their whispering once again. She looked around for the familiar redhead and when she really saw her, she just didn't know how to feel. Addison was her best friend until she moved to Seattle. They were very different in many aspects but still they build up a great friendship. Of course she still talked to her but lately the calls were getting less and superficial. And if Addie called she would say she was in a hurry. Even if she wasn't. She felt like she didn't want to explain this whole mess to her because if she did, everything would be so real. She didn't even tell her about Derek. 

And now her former best friend stood there in all her glory beside Derek. Flirting with him. She knew Addison well enough to know her moves. Naturally her friend couldn't know about Derek, but still it just hurt so much seeing him standing there. Smiling his McDreamy smile as if nothing was wrong. She decided to just greet her friend.

„Addie!"

„Mer?" Addison quickly turned around and went to hug her friend. „I've already wondered where you were. Glad to see you. Are you alright?"

„Yeah it's great to see you again. Uhm...I'm fine yeah.So you work here now?", Meredith tried to change the subject.

„Oh yeah. Couldn't let my best friend down, could I? Oh I just spoke with Dr.Shepherd. I'm sure you know each other." she told Meredith, knowing that she would get that she liked Derek.

Meredith was silent for a minute, thinking what she was supposed to say. Suddenly she spoke up. „Yeah sure...So..you requested me?", once again she tried to change the subject.

„You ok? Seems like Seattle made you a bit strange.", Addison said. 

„I gotta go now, Dr. Montegomery. Dr. Grey" with that Derek went off. 

„He's hot isn't he?" Addison asked her best friend immediately as Derek walked off.

* * *

„You're replacing your person with that redhead!" Cristina shouted as she was sitting on a gurney in the hospitals tunnels

„Actually i knew her before you so I wouldn't be able to replace her with you but well she's back in all her glory..." Meredith trailed off.

„Yeah. Yeah. So..You seriously were friends with that walking Prada advertisement?", Cristina hardly could substain her laughter.

„Well, she's not that bad. Actually she's pretty nice if you get to know her.." 

„Whatever. I heard she was flirting with McDreamy. Does she know your history with him?" suddenly Cristina was unusually serious.

„No. And i don't think I'm gonna tell her so whatever..",once again Meredith trailed of.

„Tell her what?", a cold voice came 'round the corner, but anyone who knew Addison well enough, could her the tingle of hurt in it.

„And that's my turn to go" Cristina quickly murmured.

„And I thought you were my best friend. Seems like you found a good replacement." Addie said.

„No. No! It's just. Everything got even more complicated since I got here and I just. I don't know." 

„So...Well. You could start with telling me what happened? You know...Catch up!"

„You already know Dr. Shepherd right?", she asked already knowing the answer.

„Yeah sure?"

„Well...I kind of got into a relationship with him. But actually you can't really call it relationship because we didn't make rules. We wanted to do them that night Mark appeared. But i think i have feelings for Derek and does that make our thing a relationship. And actually i shouldn't care cuz he left me and I'm with Mark...Hey! Why didn't you stop my rambling, you know friends do that. And.."

„So you have feelings for Derek huh?", Addison asked completly surprised by Mer's story.

„I..I think so..", Meredith laid down and closed her eyes, just wishing everything to get easier.

„And what about Mark!", Addison never really liked Mark, too much of a Womanizer for her, but she just wanted the best for her friend. And there was a time when she really thought Mark and Meredith just belonged together.

„Yeah. What about me?" Mark asked from the place Addison just stood five minutes ago.

_My mouth is dry_

_With words I cannot verbalize_

_Tell me why_

_We live like this_


End file.
